The Flipside of Obsession

To say that I’m loyal to Coca Cola would be the biggest understatement that has ever been made.  If I could only drink one thing for the rest of my life, it would be Diet Coke, and I would be completely okay with that.  It’s sometimes the first thing I drink in the morning and always the last thing I drink at night.  Definitely not the healthiest, but I’ll take being addicted to Diet Coke over crystal meth.

I bet no one’s ever made one of these for Diet Pepsi. Also, I need to own this.

I love everything about Diet Coke.  Even their advertising inspires me.  That’s sick to even admit, but it’s true.  I love that Coca Cola has a Twitter handle for its long-dead inventor, who’s verified on Twitter, has nearly 80,000 followers and tweets from 1886, the year Coke was invented.  I love that I know Coke was invented in 1886 and that the fact has actually come in handy on multiple occasions.

The downside of my extreme love for Coke products is the intense hate I have for their sorry excuse for competition – Pepsi.  I hate it so much that I recently decided, if for some weird reason was put in the situation, I would rather pay an exorbitant amount of money for one of those weird, tiny cans of Diet Coke rather than accept a barrel of Diet Pepsi for free.  Fact.

‘Aubd0mi‘ knows what’s up and agrees that “COKE ROX!”: “I HATE pepsi soooooooooo (x infinity) much!!!!!! it is the worst thing ever created!!!!!! I think whoever made it should go die in a hole!!!!! Coke is so much better and AMAZING!!!!!! pepsi can’t even compare to coke!!!!!”  I totally agree, except the inventor of Pepsi is already dead in a whole somewhere, but I’ll let that one slide.

Somehow, as some sort of sick joke, I ended up at a Pepsi school (don’t go to BU, kids) and worked in a Pepsi restaurant for four years (get a job at Chili’s instead).  I 100 percent blame Pepsi for my less than ideal college experience.

Working in a restaurant, I found – and still find – it absolutely flabbergasting that people even exist who prefer Pepsi products.  How is that possible?  When you ask for a Coke and I ask, “Is Pepsi okay?” You should say “I WOULD RATHER BURN THIS RESTAURANT DOWN THAN DRINK A PEPSI,” or something along those lines.  I’ll even accept the less dramatic “I’ll just have a water instead.”  Yes, I’d rather  you drink water, like a weirdo, than be happy about the fact that we have Pepsi.  Believe it or not, people actually exist who would say, “Oh, even better!” when I would break the bad news.  Well, if you love Pepsi so much, why didn’t you order a Pepsi, instead of a Coke?  Because Pepsi is the worst and it should never, ever be assumed that a restaurant has that sorry excuse for a soda instead of Coke.  As a side note, I recently went to a small, breakfast place in Auburn, Mass. that actually had RC Cola.  RC Cola.  I was almost too amused that RC Cola still exists to be upset that it wasn’t Diet Coke.  Almost.

I know I may sound a little dramatic, which I am, but I’m definitely not the only one who feels this way.  My mom used to work at Coca Cola, meaning we have glasses, clocks, sweatshirts, coolers and even umbrellas with the Coca Cola name.  I swear that’s probably what kept my dad around.  Kidding, but I’m sure it didn’t hurt.  What Diet Coke is to me, regular Coke is to my dad, maybe even more so.  One of our favorite bonding experiences is getting Big Gulps from Seven Eleven together.  Yes, drinking Coke is a bonding experience and no, I somehow don’t think that’s weird.

This is what I look like when I chug a Big Gulp before a big game. Wait…what?! Why would this picture even exist? I approve.

The fact that I’ve never met anyone who feels for Pepsi the way I feel about Diet Coke and that there are two people in my family alone who are die-hard Coke loyalists just does not bode well for Pepsi.  They should just give up now and give me one less thing to be annoyed with.

 

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